A chance to be young again

A few days ago I got an email from the hosting group we worked with.  It said that they had a 16 year old girl who was about to "age out" of the orphanage she was in.  She needed a family to adopt her or she would end up on the streets.  In a neat twist, she is also three months pregnant.  So there is some urgency.

My heart went out to her - obviously - how could it not?  And I even contemplated taking her in for a moment.  James and I had thought about more kids, but obviously at my advanced age I'm not really considering a second pregnancy.  (That and the fact that it was HORRIBLE - no I haven't "forgotten" all the pain yet in the joy of having the child.)  But really, I am old.

At any rate, before I had a reality check and recognized that I still haven't figured out how to take care of one child effectively, and that James and I live in Georgia, and that our lives are not properly "settled" for this situation I saw one super silver lining to this adoption:  Without having to get pregnant myself I would get a playmate for Cora and a babysitter all in one.  I'm joking... but also not.  That's kind of an amazing plan.

Of course, I would also be a mother and a grandmother on the same day which is interesting.  I'm not opposed to it.  I've gotten so used to saying I'm an old mother, and I'd love to balance it out by saying I'm a super, super YOUNG grandmother.   I would like to be a young something.  So yeah, I still dream about it - and maybe we can do that next year.   Or in a few years when I'm a REALLY old mother.

(In all seriousness though, if there is anyone out there who reads this and thinks they could take an interest in this girl let me know.  I'd be happy to connect you and find her a home.)

And the opposite of a successful trip is..

Kutaisi - near Gelati Monastery

 I was feeling pretty good after our first overnight trip with Cora.  "I can do this!", says I... to myself.  Of course, I'm sure I only half believed myself, because, well - I'm not always that honest.  Mostly I am, but nobody's perfect.  It's hard to be honest when you WANT to believe something.  Then it seems really true even when it's not.  Which brings us back to me thinking I can do this.

Just a few short days after our trip to Sighnaghi, James had a work trip to Kutaisi.  Cora and I decided to tag along.  Mostly because I am terrified of staying alone overnight in our house.  You may be thinking I'm terrified because it would be hard to take care of her alone.  Sure - yes, but that is not what terrifies me.  Or you might be thinking I'm afraid of an intruder breaking in.  You bet that would be scary, but we kind of live in a safe area with big fences and guards and we know all our neighbors.  So no, not terrified of that.  I am terrified of ghosts.  I am afraid that if I am alone I might be like the kid in Sixth Sense and see dead people.  Or hear them.  And I swear sometimes when James is late and I'm alone I have.  Heard them.  Anyway, who is really rational in the middle of the night?  Not me.  Truth be told I'm hardly rational during the day.  So the fact is, I went to Kutaisi to avoid the ghosts that will come to our house if I am alone.

Ha, ha.  Laugh it up. But just so you know...you're laughing alone.  (or are you?)

The night before we left, M.B. (I've decided it's time to give Cora a nickname in my blogs, and I think Mafia Boss or M.B. for short is endearing (no), cute (no), and entirely accurate (yes).  As I was saying, M.B. threw up all of her dinner the night before we left.  I was a little nervous that we might be taking a sick child with us, but she seemed fine all night and the next morning.  So off we went.

And here are the lessons I learned:

1.  You should not ever travel with any other people.  Especially adults without children.  Why?  Because they will think it's OK to stop and go as they please.  That you should eat when you are hungry, or pee when you have the urge.  Nay.  You must only stop the car when your child is awake, or they will wake up.  You must only let them out of their car seat when you are sure you can get them back in.  And above all else, you must GET TO YOUR DESTINATION AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.  M.B.'s usual 1.5 hour car nap became a 45 minute nap when our partners in crime stopped for a rest stop 1 hour in to our trip.  That set the tone for the next 48 hours.

2.  You should not believe that because your baby doesn't throw up again that they aren't sick.  M.B. (mafia boss) got congested and spent the next 48 hours in misery.  She couldn't breathe, she was hot and cold and she wouldn't sleep more than 10 minutes at a time w/o waking up and screaming because she couldn't breathe.  I got up with her every 30 minutes to rock her back to sleep from 11:30pm - 4:00am.  Which means that when she woke up for good at 5:30 am, I had no sleep under my belt.

3.  Remember that hotel walls are thin.  Even if you wouldn't rock your baby every time they cry at home....

4.  Don't assume your baby will sleep anywhere.  Crib, yes.  Pack 'n play....maybe not.

5.  If your child is sick, a car ride home can be miserable.  Ours included a complete inability on the part of M.B. to sleep, breathe and eat for 3.5 hours, coupled with a stressed out daddy who needed to be working in the car, and an exhausted mommy who had to drive the car so daddy could (not) work, but care for screaming baby while mommy tried to stay awake and not crash.  Did daddy have a complete melt down and yell things like "Don't answer me when I'm saying crazy things!!!!" right before throwing his blackberry into the front of the car?  I'll never tell.  (Yes, it's funny now.)

So yeah, the second overnight gave us a little more of a reality check, but will we give up?  Not yet.  One more and we'll see. 

On a positive note, I will say that we thoroughly enjoyed the town of Kutaisi which was about 10 degrees warmer than Tbilisi (78 degrees baby!), had sidewalks to walk on, and friendly people.  Cora was cheek pinched by another million people and only one actually snatched her right out of James' arms in a bakery.  Now I know why I love the Baby Bjorn. 

A couple of photos from our visit to the Gelati Monastery, where the priests and nuns gave M.B. a very special photo of (I think) Mother Teresa and asked for a photo with her.

Question:  At 8 months did anyone's baby start to go crazy at bedtime?  Suddenly waking up every time you put them down asleep and screaming for 30 minutes with no identifiable pain?  I read about separation anxiety which is what it feels like - but what do you do?  She was so good at just going to sleep the last 2 months....

Our First Overnight Trip, or On Sleeping Without Fear

As mentioned in my previous post, my child terrifies me.  Don’t ask me why, it’s not like I’ve never been around children, and I know they are small and hardly even mobile – but this one owns me.   It's not that irrational if you consider Chucky.  I mean he was just a tiny doll and he was very, very dangerous.  I never saw the movie, but I'm pretty sure he killed a lot of people.

So yes, I am constantly afraid of this wee babe.  Or maybe just of what she will do to make my life difficult.  Will she embarrass me in public by screaming non-stop? Or not sleep if I stop tiptoeing and perchance make even ONE sound in my house?   Will she get sick and I won’t know what to do, and then she dies causing me to feel regret and misery the rest of my life? I just don't know, people, and these are the things that scare me.  I am certain that I will break her or she will break me.  And if I stay scared clearly this will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  So in the interest of overcoming the irrational (or is it?) terror I have of my own child, I agreed to do an overnight trip with James this past weekend.  Oh, and with Cora. Obv.

So we quickly packed up 12 suitcases or so and off we went.

OK, not 12, but SERIOUSLY.  No, seriously.  It took us longer to pack than it did to drive to Telavi.  It’s a 2.5 hour trip.  Babies are high maintenance.   This is pretty killer for a (past) frequent traveler who had learned to go on week long adventures with only a carry on.

Any old who, you may be wondering 4 paragraphs later where we decided to go and why I'm still rambling about my child.  You're probably not.  You know me by now.  So we went to Telavi and Sighnaghi.  Two towns in Georgia’s eastern wine country that were supposed to be (and were) quite lovely.  

The trip went so much better than I even hoped.  Cora slept like the sweet and perfect angel she is for almost the entire trip there.  We stopped for a couple of hours in Telavi and had lunch and wandered around and then she did her afternoon nap during, well, most of our trip to Sighnaghi.   And she might have slept the whole way if her father in his infinite wisdom hadn't thought it was a brilliant idea to pull the car over, roll down his window and SHOUT to the person 4 traffic lanes away for some directions.  No, I wasn't mad.  Don't be silly.

We got to Sighnaghi and it was love at first sight.  It's an old fortress town at the top of a mountain.  It felt very quaint and it had magnificent views of the Caucuses.  

We got to wander around the fortress wall, which was practically identical in every way to the Great Wall of China, except maybe a tiny bit smaller.  Along the way we were stopped by no less than 20 people who wanted to squeeze the life out of Cora's cheeks.  And one toothless woman took it upon herself to give her wet kisses all over her fat cheeks.  (Note to self:  Mommy wears the baby bjorn from now on.)

We rented a suite and we actually did pretty good with Cora, although she seemed to miss the spaciousness of her crib and made quite a bit of noise all night as she tried to move around and was stymied.  Other than that though....and maybe a little bit of restaurant ruckus, she was a dream.

Which reminds me.  We stopped at a winery in Telavi and had the whole place to ourselves.  

And our very kind waiter (imagine THIS in the U.S. - ha!) saw we were having trouble eating with Cora fussing, so he came over and picked her up from her chair and walked away cooing to her.  All well and good, except he disappeared into the back (I assume the kitchen) and we kind of wondered if that was the end.  A couple minutes later he reappeared with a VERY disgruntled child who sat and gave him the evil eye for the rest of the meal.  She never took her eyes off of him and tracked his every move....daring him to take her again.  The look can only be described as "Kristin-esque", cause it was Salty with a capital S.  Very sweet of the waiter though.

There were a couple of other funny interactions on our trip, but I have run on and on as usual and will save them for another post.  Bottom line, it can be done.  Trips can be made with a child.  I will never say it is better than going with just the hubs, or the gal-pals, but it's nice to know that Cora (and I) will get to leave the house once in a while.  Our 8 month sequester is over at last.

A Long Overdue (and highly anticipated) Motherhood Update

I realize I haven’t written in a long time.  And I have also come to realize that there were several expectant mothers reading my blog who I may or may not have caused some level of distress.  Allow me to do a short(ish) motherhood update to get your heart rates down and your breathing back to normal. 

Life is good.  Baby girl is still challenging in new and exciting ways – like high pitched screaming all day for no apparent reason, but we have entered a new challenge level.  One I find to be a little more my speed. 

I am not sleep deprived like I was the first four months.  I am not worried about every possible medical problem she could be having but might not be having.  I finally relaxed about the 30 minute nap, and lo and behold we have through trial, error and a blessing from God finally gotten to two naps a day lasting about 1 hour and 15 minutes each.  Ah, sweet joy.  She is no longer colicky.  She doesn’t terrify me (as much) which I guess may have been the root of many problems.  Her first two teeth finally came in after six weeks of trying and that solved many a sleep and crying problem.  She is starting to become a real little person which makes her much more enjoyable and engaging. 

Yes, I do sometimes still think being a mom is pretty hard.  I definitely still go stir crazy at times in the 3 hours between naps when I have to sit and entertain her by doing mentally stimulating things like handing her toys.... because she has very little ability to be alone and happy.  She also is in a phase where she wants to stand all the time, but can’t on her own so she wants me to sit and hold her in a standing position or she screams bloody murder.  So yeah, that’s fun.  She is starting to grab everything and wants to see everything and be everywhere, so it’s sort of like wrestling an octopus everywhere I go, but I can handle it.  We're O.K.

One more thing, my dear future mommas.  Not all babies are like Cora.  And not all mothers are like me.  So you may love the first 5 months and you may even have an angel child from heaven.  But if you don’t, I can offer you this hope:  you may like the next phase better... so be patient.  It’s only been 8 months, but I have learned over and over again that the phrase “this to shall pass” is true.  So true.  It feels like forever, but it won’t be.  So just sit quietly, try to find something to love in what is happening (I say that with a smile) and breathe in and out.  Follow my mom’s advice which she happily gave me every day after I called wishing we were at two months and three months and four months....  don’t wish your life away.  I’m getting there.